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Elvis!

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada.

He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?" Father looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis."

The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it."

The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see you!"

"Shut up, you imbecile." says the father "I'm not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!"

So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. "Oh my God! Oh my God! It's you!" screams the hotel clerk. "You're back Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!"

Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you...Thank you very much!"

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I was going down an elevator with three or four women, all of whom were strangers to me. At the first floor, I automatically stepped to one side to let them all off. As the last one preceded me, she turned and said, "When Women's Lib takes over, you'll get off first."

"Listen, lady," I said, smiling, "I'm a Woman's Lib-er myself. I want all women to be free."

"You do?" she said, rather astonished.

"Yes," I said. "I hate it when they charge."

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Diego Smart
You're Diego Smart, a photojournalist with an assignment to capture photographic evidence of legendary artifacts. Your journey takes you to the heart of the ancient ruins, which the locals say are guarded by mysterious creatures and spirits. Is it folklore or can their stories be true? Be careful, surprises await you around every rock and behind the ancient pyramid temples that you will encounter.

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