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Just The Facts

My name is Sgt. Friday.
I work on Tuesday.

Tuesday is my secretary.

One night we went to a party.

On our way there, we got a flat tire.
I jacked, she pumped; I jacked, she pumped;
Then she got out of the car to fix the tire.

When we got to the party, we all felt merry.
Mary got mad and left.

We all jumped for joy.
Joy got mad and left too.

Then a lady jumped out of the party cake.

We all had a piece.

The cake wasn't bad either.

Then I dropped my keys under the couch.
I felt, she felt; I felt, she felt;
Then I looked under the couch for my keys.

Then I took her home and we sat on the porch.
Someone threw a rock from a car and hit her on the tit.

Broke three of my fingers.

I was going to kiss her good night but she closed her legs and broke my glasses.

Then her dad came out and told me to beat it.

So I did, then left.

(I know I've heard this somewhere before but can not place who said it)

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I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

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